Dancing with Relatively Famous People

I was watching ‘The View’ the other day because David Letterman was on  giving a candid interview (I promise that’s the only reason I would watch it). Suddenly Sherri Shepherd and whats-her-face, Elizabeth Hasselback started to announce the upcoming lineup for this season of ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ Is it on ABC? yes, but I guess some people really like this show. These women were very excited, like waiting-for-a-boy to call you excited. Or in the case of Hasselback, having Sarah Palin whisper ‘You Betcha’ in her ear.

Mind you the cast for the upcoming season of SNL was announced this week and nobody seems to give two hoots about that. They even hired a black comedian to play a black president – now THAT is progress.

Back to The View and The Dancing. Tthis show features somewhat famous people somewhat dancing.  They rehearse and they have professional dancers to sleep- I mean, dance with, and then they have judges to tell them they suck.  This comes off the current trend of pseudo-celebrities doing tasks (losing weight, living together, running businesses) that normal people usually do. I thought the whole point of being a celebrity is that you do things in the public eye that normal people can’t do – and that’s why you’re ‘special.’  If Lebron James played basketball like a normal person, he wouldn’t’ be Lebron. If Martha Stewart made home designs like a normal person – they wouldn’t be ugly – oh, did you see that one coming? I don’t think you did.

This season’s cast includes David Hasselhoff, Rick Fox, Bristol Palin, The Situation, Kurt Warner, Michael Bolton, Jennifer Grey, Brandy, Margaret Cho, Florence Henderson, Audrina Patridge, and Kyle Massey. Truth be told I don’t know who Audrina and Kyle are, but best of luck to them.  By the way, do you know how happy Jennifer Grey was when the producers called her? Do you have any idea? This poor woman was in two of the defining hit movies of the 80’s, has a famous movie line all to herself, and then got plastic surgery as well as unlisted number.  So, even if she hadn’t faded into oblivion, no one would have recognized. She is her very own Federal Witness Protection Program.

Of this group, the one true ‘she shouldnt’ be here’ is Bristol Palin. Did you know Sarah named her ‘Bristol’ because it rhymes with ‘Pistol?’ I would say that The Situation shouldn’t be there, but he’s in good shape and I’d like to hear him call Bristol a grenade. That would make my day. As we know, Bristol’s mother is famous for being… a female politician that men would like to hit on – that’s a rarity. Okay, she’s famous for being a former VEEP nominee, and then riding that train of disaster into book deals motivational speeches, and Glen Beck appearances. Sarah is sort of like the female heel wrestling manager who accompanies Mr. Beck to the ring and kicks his opponent (common sense) in the groin when it falls to ringside.  So this daughter, finds  her fame by getting impregnated by her deadbeat boyfriend. The media loves that. They arranged a marriage, but after the election loss, the marriage was off. Then it was on again, then her boyfriend decided to get naked, and I don’t want to know the rest.

Bristol Palin being on the show is similar to Kate Gosselin’s appareance last season. Their childbearing made them famous, in both cases they had too many, and they’re all around obnxoious people. So ABC, do me a favor and remove Bristol from the show. I would go with one of Hefner’s new girlfriends, I don’t think they’re that busy.

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Hannibal Buress – ‘My name is Hannibal’

Hannibal Buress is a comedian hailing from Chicago. He began his stand-up career in college, and then while doing a bit on Jimmy Fallon, got noticed by the producers of Saturday Night Live, where he is now a writer. He was also featured in Rolling Stone Magazine as part of the new breed of geek comics, ‘The Geek Squad.’ as they put it. He’s a pretty funny dude.

Mr. Buress is laugh out loud funny, not just ‘let me clap for that joke because it was delivered well.’ If you listen to Hannibal Buress, you’ll be laughing really hard. He has a deadpan delivery, and he enunciates – a rarity in the comic world. As he states in one of his bits ‘No I do not have any pets. Why would I want to share my apartment in New York with another creature who does not understand the concept of paying rent.’  I have had some roommates with the same problem.

Hannibal ruminates on everything from President Obama holding a job as a Senator while he ran for President, to finding a use for left over pickle juice in his apartment. How do you determine how much pickle juice to flick on a sandwich? Ask Hannibal. He does a dissection of a situation to the exact detail, similar to Jerry Seinfeld and George Carlin, but with the delivery of Mitch Hedberg, although Buress expresses more passion in his jokes than the late Mr. Hedberg. He discusses going to a lame party, where the only thing to do is sit in the corner and text his friends about how lame the party is. Been there.

The great thing about Buress’s style is that he will start a joke, and then go off an a tangent, and then tell you that the tangent made the joke funnier. At that point, you’re not only laughing at the joke, you’re laughing at the reason the joke was funny. Buress weaves between topics with controlled ease, speaking with very precise delivery on things like ‘Lil Kim and rappers with too much bling – and pickle juice. Don’t forget the pickle juice.

‘My name is Hannibal’ is currently available on Amazon.com

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