A (Pasty) White Christmas…

When December 1st hits, people begin doing crazy things in preparation for the holiday season. They decorate their homes, inside and out, they start planning lavish parties, they re-stock their liquor cabinets, and they go out in public and get quite drunk while dressed in holiday outfits. This last item – the let’s do something silly while drunk – isn’t quite unique to the holiday season, it is however becoming more and more common to do in the name of Santa.

The two most popular drunk Santa-themed events are SantaCon and the Santa Streak/Speedo Run (name differs depending on the city you did it in.) SantaCon, which began sometime ago, is a collection of people dressed in holiday gear roaming the streets drinking out of flasks and singing Christmas Carols. Every now and then it will dip into the realms of inappropriateness, especially when Naughty Mrs. Claus finds herself perched up next to a subway poll and all of a sudden decides it’s time to dance. No complaints here.

This year, one said individual who will remain nameless decided it was his year to do some Santa Streaking. The idea of Santa Streaking is to run around in the cold while raising money for charity. And be drunk. And be wearing a speedo. Actually, the being drunk part trumps the charity part, but if you were to ask people dressed in speedos and doing Jager shots what the cause was for and they said ‘no cause’ you’d thumb your nose in protest and go on Twitter about wasted youth and how they don’t appreciate their freedoms like everyone else.  So they do it for charity, and for beer. Charity and beer, ah yes, the two solid principles our nation was founded on.

The first annual Santa Streak, put together by the wonderful people at WhyLeaveAstoria.com, is the perfect way to get into the holiday season. The event began at Hell Gate on the Park, located on Ditmars Avenue – a very nice local watering hole where anything goes. Bartender Maria had the shots ready and offered a very cheerful and supportive boost to all Santa Streakers.

This particular Santa Run, in it’s first running and therefore subject to the scrutiny of the neighborhood, began on Shore Drive, which is to say, next to the East River complete with a nice ocean breeze – ideal speedo running conditions. The run was a mile and ended at Hell Gate Social (there’s a theme), with a free keg of beer to be had. No reports of indecency although the when the people of CrossFit get drunk they start lifting each other in the air and doing cartwheels. No joke.

The next event, on a much bigger scale is known as the Santa Speedo Run and brought to us by SSrunners.org. Now in it’s 10th year, the speedo run reaches out to the young and old and rich and poor. You must raise $300 towards 3 area family services charities in order to participate, and once you’re in, you’re in. The stripping and libations begin at the Lir bar on Boylston. There is a 2 and a half hour build up to said festivities, where the more shots you have – the more you remember doing Jager Bombs as a college sophomore and wondering why you don’t do them more often.

At approximately 12:45pm, all parties head to the doah (door), line-up, and on the count of 3 staht running. There are crowds that line the streets, hooting and hollering, while a bunch of drunk people in speedos race to the finish. The event itself is over in a matter of minutes, it literally flies by – and then back to the bah foah moah beeah (for more beer). That is, in essence, the Santa Speedo Run. If you don’t mind being chilly, drunk,  half naked (you’re probably not Jewish), and charitable, it’s a walk in the park.

See you next year.

Share Button